How to Tell If You Grew Up in Canada

After four months of being in Hong Kong and China, I have become more aware of what it is to be Canadian.

Especially after mixing around with people from Hong Kong, Mainland China, Denmark, Italy, Germany, France, Sweden, South America, and the UK, I found some distinctly Canadian things that only other Canadians can recognize: a knowing look shared between Canucks says it all.

So here is a short list of stuff I have found that will inform you if you have indeed grown up in Canada:

1. You know who Joey Jeremiah is.
2. You can identify a "Cruller", a "two-four", and a "slap shot".
3. You know what it is to be a "Hal Johnson and Joanne Macloud".
4. The word "Hork" is both a noun and a verb.
5. You can't exactly say how Canadians are different from Americans, but we know it is a BIG difference.
6. You are surprised that outside of Canada, a $5 price, means a $5 price; NOT something closer to $6 because of the damn tax.
7. We say "sorry" waaaaaay too much.
8. We know what "Winter Conditions" are , and that "black ice" isn't just a shitty highschool beer.
9. We "hang out" together.
10. Having a Slurpee in -20 degree winter is perfectly normal. In fact at some point in your life, you've used a slurpee as mix for your hard liquor.
11. You know someone who says he/she is going to "the Safeways", "the Canadian Tires", or "the Superstores". Doesn't matter that they are going to just one place, it is always plural.
12. When you were a kid and learned to sing "Oh Canada", you wondered who "Gloria" was and who "sent her free"?

The other thing I found out was that no matter where you are from, there is no place like home. For all my friends out there who have gone back to their home countries, I hope it is everything you missed. Too bad it probably isn't as nice as Canada though.

What Happened to James Bond?

Ok so it was Christmas here in Hong Kong yesterday so what better way to celebrate than to catch a movie right? So I've heard some good things about the new James Bond so we went to catch the show.

Well, just to let you know this movie is supposed to take place at a time when James first becomes a "Double O" status agent. So this means he is a bit gruff and a rookie.

The movie itself was ok but lemme tell you: it wasn't a James Bond movie.

The flick was violent, loud, and brutal. It was a real shame too because the production values were high, the acting was alright, the visuals were goegeous, and Daniel Craig kinda looked like a James Bond. But the important element was missing: Style.

This Bond was all about punching people but lacked charm and humour. No sophistication. Holy crap! At one point in the movie I spotted him driving a Ford! A Ford! JAMES BOND DOES NOT DRIVE A FORD!

I also spotted him catching cabs and taking change I think. Not surprising since the British Secret Service was broke ass in this movie and needed a loan from the CIA.

I hope the next movie is better. I'll give Craig another chance to go from Jimmy to James.

The Trama on The Yang Tze

I mentioned earlier that we were on the Yang Tze River to tour the Three Gorges. Well the boat cruise was a painful experience in many ways.

This is a shot of Rodrigo and Robin as we surveyed our "Second Class, Domestic" room on the barge. As you can see, the general mood was one of ironic amusement. Kinda like when you get something really shitty and it is so bad you can't believe it. So you just kind of laugh and say "Are you serious? Really? This dirty, smelly room, with the funky blankets are for us?"

So the three of us became cellmates and bonded for survival.

This shot here really said it all. Please note the dirty curtain behind. Just so you all know, there was no heat on this boat either. So everyone was in a constant state of cold. Ever spend three days wearing 5 layers of clothes and a coat? If you haven't then you are a rookie traveller mate.

But the funny thing is that once the shock wore off and the last of the gruesome details were absorbed, I was able to start enjoying the trip in all its ironic and surreal ways.

Here is a shot of me being "judged" by the afterlife at the Ghost City of Feng Du. Afterwards we came back to our rusty boat and went to the roof to have our little breakfast of instant coffee and instant noodles. We loved the plastic lawn furniture.

Here is a shot of some riverside street food that I had to have with my beer. They were shrimps from the river, deep fried in black dirty oil, and finished over hot charcoal with spices. Delicious!

But seriously, I really did have a great time. Even though the accomodations sucked, once you remembered that you were in the Three Gorges sailing through the Chang Jiang everything was worth it.

I can't say enough how the historic scenery was so peaceful and compelling. Staring at the sky, mountains, and water gave you a sense of unending time. All possible problems you might have seemed so small in comparison. In that space of time, you could then think without bias or lies. And also appreciate that you were having a moment in your life that may never come again.

It was great. But next time I am going "First Class: International" style. That way my bathroom won't have a toilet in the shower.

Around the World by Can

Here is a short recount of my time abroad through the magic of beer:

Safely Back in Hong Kong

I am safely back in Hong Kong as of yesterday at about 6 p.m.

My first stop was of course the Shatin Mall where I grabbed some essesntials and then plowed through a Big Mac, Large Fries, 6 piece nuggets, and a coke. Damn it was great. I stuffed myself so much that I was a disgusting mess but I didn't care. I earned that mess.

So after ten days in China I had the best experiences. It was a hard trip sometimes, but over all I am glad it turned out how it did.

I visited the Great Wall, and the Temple of HEaven in BEijing. Then saw The great Buddha of Le Shan as well as paid my respects to the sacred Emei Shan.

Then we made our way down to ChongQing and sampled the famous Ma La Hot Pot. If you like oil and chilis then come down to ChongQing. I can't describe the strange feeling of having your insides lubricated while eating dinner. Just watch out for the peppercorns because it is like sticking your tongue onto an old rusty 9-volt battery.

Then came the three day trek from ChongQing to Yi Chang via ferry boat. It was a very old and dirty boat and I am still having some mental trama from some of the expeiriences, but it was worth it.

I dipped my hand into the Yang Tze river and felt its warmth. I stood at the peak of the ship and breathed the mists. I stared into the winding river and saw myself in it. I lost myself in the land.

In truth I went to China looking for answers, and of course I received none. Rather I was able to see my life a little clearer. That's all. But what happened was that I returned to Hong Kong rested, and ready to resume the struggle, even if everything was still as it was before I left. Except for me. I was different. Maybe not so different, but I certainly came away with a different view on things. Afterall, changing how you see the world is the same as changing the world itself....more or less.

Wherever you go in the world, there you are. China was a great trip. I literally stood at the Centre of the Universe, at the top of the world, and also in the heart of a nation and came away with a better sense of who I am, and who I want to be. I'm ready to go forward now.

I also learned that the next time I go to SzeChuan I will bring some instant oat meal because the oily food really kicked my ass.

Trapped in China!!

I an stuck at a cold little airport in the middle of China trying to get a flight out to ShenZhen. We are in Yi Chang and are waiting to see if the fog will cancel our 10 p.m. flight. Rodrigo's 4 p.m. flight to Shanghai was already cancelled long ago and so Robin and I are crossing our fingers. With any luck I will be relaxing in a three star hotel in dirty ShenZhen before crossing to the land of plenty tomorrow (Hong Kong). Wish us luck y'all!